Stop The Bullying, Richard Paul

Being Positive will help Stop The Bullying

2007-08-21T14:44:00.000-05:00

This was submitted to this blog:

Here's to a kicking off a great week with some positive inspiration!
Fun Fact: Walt Disney was afraid of mice
Inspirational Quote: "Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere." -Carl Sagan
Word to ponder: Zeal!
Bible Verse: "For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another." -1 John 3:11
Service Project of the Week: Find an old coloring book and color a picture. THEN, fold it up and write a witty quote on the outside...THEN leave it in a friends mailbox or on a friends windshield : )
Story: The other day I was driving back home after a long stressful day of work and one of my favorite songs came on the radio... so I cranked it up and jammed out the whole way home dancing and everything. Simple moments like that really make me happy to be alive. Do yourself a favor and take some time out of your day just for you- do something that is crazy and goofy and makes you smile. Create your nirvana! I DARE you!! Live in Laughter, Light, and pure LOVE! -m

Thanks Mandi!

Anyone Can Be A Bully

2007-08-08T21:05:00.000-05:00

In a book entitled "Bully Free Classroom, by Allan L. Beane, PHD he says: "To little supervision of children and adolescents can contribute to the development of bullying behavior." He goes on to say that Children need to get the message that bullying behavior is not okay."

My hobby is training dogs and I have found that dogs like kids like to push the limits. I just recently purchased a Golden Retriever puppy and she likes to torment her older brother a White German Sepherd mix who is two years older than her. She will bit, kick, scratch and he will do the same. I have to step in at times to remind them to play fair or give them time away from one another. My children also have had their moments where I need to step in to break it up. It is up to us as parents and care givers to not only break up a potential bully situation but also teach them that anyone can end up being a bully if they don't watch what they say and do.

Why Do Kids Bully Other Kids?

2007-08-07T20:46:00.000-05:00

Why do kids bully other kids? I asked a group of young campers at the Beverly Hills Club, Beverly Hills, Michigan, summer safety day camp for children. To my surprise each camper had a different reason why kids bully other kids.

Here is a list of there answers:

Why do kids bully other kids?

They are jealous of other kids.
They learn from their dad how to be mean.
Other kids taught them to be bullies.
They have problems at home.
They like being mean to other kids.
No one is ever nice to them and that is why they bully.
Bullies have low self-esteem.
Bullies want to be better than everyone else.
Bullies are afraid of other kids.
They think no one likes them.
Their dad never takes them to McDonalds.

Why do you think kids bully other kids?

Email me and I will post it richard@richardpaul.com

We offer No Bully Club Buttons, T-Shirts and Door Hangers for more information on purchasing them call 800-579-8051 or email me at richard@richardpaul.com

Bullying Hurts Everyone

2007-07-30T14:50:00.000-05:00

Children who see other children being bullied in most cases are afraid to speak out.
They think if they say something the bully can turn on them or that they can be his next victim.
There are studies that have shown how some children who are spectators of a bullying situation have joined in on the bullying too.

I read a story of a child who witnessed a bully situation, told her parents what shesaw and both the mom and dad told her not to tell anyone or "stay out of it." Our children need to be taught what to do in a bullying situation even if they are not the victim. Like I have have told thousands of students at the many schools I visit each year; "A hero is someone who hears something, tells someone and puts an end to it."

Team No Bully!

2007-07-26T10:33:00.000-05:00

The best way to put an end to bullying is to work as a team.
If your child or a student is a victim of a bully you should create a No Bully Team.
Each member keeps a watchful eye to not only silently protect the victim but also make sure that the bully isn't bullying other students as well.

There was a teacher at my son's elementary who was a great anti-bully team member.
One of his students was on the verge of becoming the classroom bully. When ever the boy would tease or try to push another kid he would quickly walk over to him, put his arm on the kids shoulder and gradually guide him away from the kids he was bullying. In time the boy stopped teasing and pushing other kids.

Please share your comments and suggestions: www.richardpaull.com or richard@richardpaul.com

Cyber Bullying Information

2007-07-25T09:18:00.000-05:00

Richard,
While you were in the kids' tent at Muskegon Summer Celebration, we talked a bit about software to monitor and control kids' Internet access. I've been trying to find a few good suggestions for you, but the list is long. I've been trying to narrow down the list of potential software for monitoring kids online - MAN is there a lot of it out there these days! So far, it's looking like the reviews I've found are generally liking either WebWatcher or NetNanny (as far as Windows machines go) - but admittedly I've not had a chance to really read all of the reviews I've found in various searches.

It appears that the main thing to consider is what kinds of features you want:
Some have remote monitoring, some send reports via email, some you have to physically access the machine being monitored to get the info. Some have to be configured on the machine being monitored, some can be configured remotely. Some offer an administrator a chance to override a block temporarily, some that's apparently a chore. The list of "this will", "this won't", "this one maybe...." goes on for every feature you can think of.

Prices vary from free to just over $100, and some of them require online service plans that I've seen priced at up to $150.00 per year. (EEK!)

I'll keep trying to sort out the list, but if you can send me a quick note with the features you consider primary, I can focus my search on more appropriate targets. :-)
Chat with you later!
=====================================
Ken Thies Owner/Engineer
KaT's Corner Recording

Cyber Bullying

2007-07-24T17:45:00.000-05:00

Cyber bullying is a new tool bullies have been using to hurt their victims. I was presenting at a school in Houghton Lake, Michigan and when I arrived my client informed me of a cyber bullying issue that took place the evening before and how the victim was devastated.

There are many products on the market that parents can use to police what is being sent. unfortunately I have yet to hear of a product that puts a sent item in a holding pattern till a parent can review it. I have been told by many technicians that there are no full proof ways to catch the bully before he strikes on the Internet. They say the best defense is the parents watching and overseeing the computer activities.

Here is some information on parent control software:

http://www.consumersearch.com/www/software/parental-control-software/index.html

http://www.microsoft.com/windows/products/windowsvista/features/details/parentalcontrols.mspx

http://www.softforyou.com/

If you have a comment or suggestions please share it on this blog or email me at
richard@richardpaul.com

Self-Esteem = No Bullying

2007-07-23T13:02:00.000-05:00

The best way to reduce bullying at school or at work is by improving your selfesteem.
Research has shown that students and adults with low selfesteem are more likely to be victims of a bully. The best defense one has against a bully is their selfesteem The better you feel about yourself the less likely anyone will bother you.

Helpful tips:
1) Get up in the morning look in the mirror and appreciate you .
2) Make your bed and make up your mind it is going to be a great day.
3 Hold your head up high and smile at everyone you meet.
4) Pat yourself on the back and or cheer on yourself.
5) Make a list of the things you like about you and read it in the morning and before you go to bed at night
6) Be thankful for your life and your abilities
7) MOST IMPORTANTLY LOVE YOURSELF!

Any comments or questions feel free to email me at www.richard@richardpaul.com
For information on my Life Lessons CD or Programs visit http://www.richardpaul.com/ or
http://www.motivationalspeakerrichardpaul.com/

Tell Someone Your Being Bullied

2007-06-19T19:25:00.000-05:00

Always tell someone you trust and who can help you ,don't suffer in silence.
If you are afraid to tell someone in person, then write a note or email to tell them what is going on. It can be anyone from your parents, grandparents, brothers or sisters or another adult you trust.

I remember when I being bullied at school I told my Uncle Al and he gave me several options.
One I liked the best was to make friends with a tall kid. My friend Ken was very tall so I made it a point to stay close to him on the play ground and walking home. The interesting thing is I protected him from kids bullying him and he protected me from my bully.

If you are being bullied at work tell someone and figure out a solution.

Please share a story...

More articles and advice:
http://www.richardpaul.com/
richard@richardpaul.com

My Son's A Bully!

2007-06-05T17:01:00.001-05:00

Recently I presented my Stop The Bullying training program for a PTA event.
When I was explaining what we should do if we find out our child is a bully one of the attendees raised her hand and shared with us that her son was a bully. She also explained what she does to help him realize how his victim feels when he bully's him

She role plays with her son having him play the victim and she plays the role of the bully.
Then they stops and she asks him how it feels when someone make fun of him or pushes him all the time. She also explains what a bully is so he can see the difference between having fun and hurting someones feelings.

For more information visit my web site at www.richardpaul.com
or call us at 800-579-8051

If you have a story you would like to share on this blog email me at richard@richardpaul.com

Self-esteem is a great defence tool for victims of a bully order Richard's Duck Sense CD for tips on how to build your child's self-esteem and improve their life. www.ducksense.com

Bully Wife

2007-04-25T18:08:00.000-05:00

I was at my Credit Union talking to the teller who recognized me from middle school and high school. We talked about the people we knew from school and if we had seen any of them since graduation. She asked me what I was doing and I told her I present No Bullying educational programs for schools, parents and staff. She went on to tell me that she use to bully a little boy in elementary school. She didn't know his name but she thought is was funny to make fun of him on the playground, in the lunch room or walking down the hall. The boy moved away and she didn't see him again so she thought. Many years after school she met a guy who is now her husband. Turns out he was the little nameless little boy she bullied forty years ago.

Learn more about anti-bullying issues at www.richardpaul.com

Click here for information about our Duck Sense life skills CD audio book: www.ducksense.com
Learn how to have a happier healthier life.

Eye Contact and Smiles

2007-04-20T14:03:00.000-05:00

Hey Rick!
Thanks for the Ezine! I liked the article on eye contact. I am working with this concept in the office with my employees...not that I'm bullying them, mind you :) but letting them know that making eye contact with our patients, especially when presenting treatment or fees shows confidence and patients sense that. We do role playing quite often and that is one skill we practice a lot! I have had some of the employees tell me that keeping a smile on their face helps them to keep eye contact because a smile can be very engaging. If a patient is upset over something and I am called to discuss the matter with them I put on my best smile look straight in their eyes and lower my voice and for some reason that always diffuses them! Anyway, thanks for the article, I plan to share it with my employees as a reinforcement for what we are trying to accomplish. Enjoy the beautiful day!

Blessings,
Judy

Understanding why bully's bully

2007-04-20T13:59:00.000-05:00

Hi Richard,

My name is Kim Nuxhall (Mr.) and I'm an elementary character/p.e. teacher in Fairfield, Ohio. Just wanted to add my comments/experiences on dealing with bullying.

I work with my elementary kids on a couple of things:
1. Understanding first what bullying is.

2. Understanding "why" bullies bully. I explain to them that bully's are actually very scared people and unhappy with themselves inside. That something has happened or is happening to them that has made them unhappy and scared inside.

So.....I tell my students when they are being bullied to look at the person and tell them that you are sorry they are not very happy inside. Also.....I tell my students to "Use the Wall" and imagine an invisible thick wall around your self that only lets the good words in and the bad stuff can't penetrate. Finally....I talk to them allot about not giving the bully any power over them to get them upset, which is what the bully wants to get.....power over them.

Keep up your good work,

Kim Nuxhall

CONCERNED PARENT.

2007-04-04T14:08:00.000-05:00

Dear Richard,
My daughter has been a victim of bullying at 3 different schools. Now she seems to be doing the best she has ever done academically. I have spoke to the parents of these girls. One appologized at our house. The other one quit picking on her. The last one, the instigator, will not let loose. She has even caused her to do poorly on a group project by not including her and omitting her work. The teachers were informed of this. I have been to the principal...twice. She still continues to call my daughter names and forbid her friends to talk to my daughter and they follow her orders.
I have asked my daughter to sit somewhere else at lunch and make new friends, but she claims everyone is mean to her and she has no friends. The ones she does have don't want to sit by her because they think it's mean how there friends treat her but don't want to lose them as thier friends.
Help...
Our school claims to have a bully policy, but I have yet to see any results and the kids just seem so mean. My daughter is very shy, until she gets to know a person. I wish I could go to the school during lunch and get these kids to mingle and meet each other.
Do you have any suggestions. I don't know if the school would be willing to hold an assembly.
Sincerely,
Susan Spencer

I shared some information with her via email, do you have any suggestions you can share with Susan. Send them to richard@richardpaul.com and I will post them on the blog.

Eye Contact= Non-verbal Communication

2007-03-27T14:44:00.000-05:00

This past week I was presenting my Core Democratic Values program at a school in Detroit. There is a part in the program where I pick twelve students to help me to demonstrate the first three articles of the Constitution. The last young lady I asked up was sitting in the middle of the second row. She was so excited that I picked her she jumped up from her seat. As she was trying to walk over to the center aisle three boys grabbed her pant leg and tried to trip her. She caught her balance and gave all three of those boys a stare that would scare a bear. The boys giggling faces quickly turned to fear. They bowed their heads down as if they were being scold by the principal.

The best thing we can teach our students and children is that we don't have to say anything to get the point across. In a great book entitled Bully-Proofing Your School the authors talk about "getting the meaning without words" (P.67) It's all about body langeuge. If we are giving the bully firm eye contact we can effectively send out a non-verbal message that clearly means "KNOCK IT OFF!".

"Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power" Seneca

Copyright Richard Paul 2007

Send in your comments to richard@richardpaul.com and we will post them to the blog.

DAD THAT FOUR YEAR OLD BOY SWEARS

2007-03-10T19:49:00.000-05:00

At dinner tonight my daughter was talking about our neighbor's four year old and how he is always swearing. She also added that the parents swear a lot too. Over the past few months the boy's mom has started to put soap in his mouth when ever he says a bad word. I've been thinking of her chasing the boy throughout the house screaming to him, " get the XXX over here."

I was speaking at an event and we were sharing how children learn from adults. As teachers, parents or care takers we must always watch are own actions what we do and what we say.
We could be bullying a child or even another adult in front of our children and not even know it.

If we want to teach our children to be nice we must take responsibility for our own actions.
If we think we did or said something wrong we should admit it to our children. They will not only learn that even adults make mistakes they will also learn right from wrong.

Many times I have apologized to my children when I have demonstrated poor behavior and I believe it has not only strengthened our relationship but also taught them how to be good, respectable citizens.

Copyright Richard Paul 2007
If you have a comment or suggestion email richard@richardpaul.com

Stop It, Stop It Now!

2007-03-10T19:26:00.000-05:00

At my school programs I offer advice to students that are being bullied. I remind them that if they use their fists or use aggressive behavior in any way they will more than likely end up in the Principal's office. I tell them the best way to handle a bully is to look them in the eyes and tell them to STOP IT, STOP IT NOW! If you don't stop it I will tell someone. I explain that you must use eye contact, without it the bully will not take you seriously.

There was a young lady with curly hair, freckles and thick glasses. She was being teased everyday by a boy on the bus. One day she looked him in the eyes and screamed "Stop it, Stop it Now! The bus became quiet and the girl just looked him in the eyes. The bus driver shouted on her microphone, "It there a problem?" the girl continued to stair him in the eyes and said, "Is there a problem? " The boy put his head down shook it back and forth and mumbled "No."

They only way someone will help the victim is if she helps herself first. The best thing you can share with your students or your children is to keep their head up high and know that no one has the right to hurt them or make fun of them in anyway.

Copyright Richard Paul 2007
Have a comment or suggestion feel free to email me at richard@richardpaul.com

Conflict or Bullying

2007-03-05T15:48:00.000-05:00

There is a difference between Conflict and Bullying. Traditionally when students are in conflict both involved in the spat are equally upset. In a bullying situation you have one student over powering another. Conflict is when one or both persons ego is hurt and it usually occurs onetime. Bullying is going below the belt so to speak, to insult, tease, threaten on a regular basis.

Students experience conflicts at school and at home as part of growing up. Studies have shown that through conflict we learn how to give and take and to improve on our social interaction and developmental skills. Bullying on the other hand can cause unneeded stress and in some cases depression issues.

As parents, teachers and caregivers we must observe the situation and know the difference between Conflict and Bullying in order to act appropriately to the needs of the students.

Copyright Richard Paul 2007

Feel free to comment and share stories by emailing us at richard@richardpaul.com